" She paused, nibbling on her lower lip in a gesture I knew so well. "And ... and I think you're my father."There it was, out in the open. All the years I had spent trying to find Mrs. Ball, wondering about the possible child that Debbie Wilson had told me about. Here she was. She was standing in front of me, and I was twenty years younger, seeing Mrs. Ball for the first time. I stood up and took her hand in both of mine, gently holding it, feeling its warmth and the silken feel of her skin. I locked eyes with her, and just stared for a long moment, trying to connect with her, not knowing if I should hug her, but wanting desperately to hold her in my arms and through her, connect to her mother once again."Your mother..." I started again, but the emotion of the moment overwhelmed me and I couldn't finish the question."She's a few blocks away, at our hotel. We came to the city for a little getaway, and to do some serious shopping. I gave her a spa session as a present. She doesn't know. It was her growing dependence on marijuana and cocaine to help her through the night.When she left the shelter of her new friends' homes, she still had to return to the hell that was her own home. As she spent more and more time away, her mother's verbal attacks became more focused and intense when she was available to be abused. After a couple hours of it each night, the young girl would take refuge in drugs to purge her mind of the hate and pain. They enabled her to tune her mother out, and look forward to the coming morning when she would physically escape again. She was also beginning to use coke during the day when she could get it, trying to sustain her mental "up" feelings into more of her waking hours.The combination of her secret drug use that she hid from her new friends, and her mother's continued bombardment of her psyche, set within her a sense of unworthiness that she could not shake. Inside, she felt she did not deserve to be happy.In spite of all evidence to the.
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